While some things, like how other people behave on the road or the state of your country and world, are completely out of your control, many things are still within your control. I believe you can be a happier you by focusing on and improving the quality of those things you can control – often the things you pay little attention to.
In part 1, I discussed 3 steps to become happier you. Here are 3 more.
1. Focus on your breathing
Breathing: It’s something that happens in the background without us always being aware of it. But since ancient times, some groups of people have known about the mental and physical benefits of deep breathing. Yogis use it for concentration and vitality, while Buddha advocated it as a path to enlightenment.
When you’re stuck in traffic or someone has just pushed in front of you without indicating and almost causing you to have a car accident, your instinct may be to get tense and start swearing at the terrible driver. Try this instead: Focus on your breathing. Take a deep breath in through your nose for about 5 seconds (assuming it isn’t blocked), and breathe out slowly through your nose or mouth for another 5 seconds. This deep breathing fills your lungs with oxygen, which decreases tension and anxiety, slows your heartbeat and lowers your blood pressure.
Repeat this breathing pattern a few times until you are calm again. Wouldn’t this leave you feeling happier than if you were cursing at the idiot driver? Let go of the resistance to what’s happening around you.
You don’t have to wait for a stressful situation to practise deep breathing. You could be taking a 5-minute break from work and do some controlled breathing to help you get back on track.
2. Surround yourself with positivity
This implies how you think, start and end your day, the people around you, and the content you consume.
“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.”
– Buddha
You could start your day with a little ritual that conditions your mind and body, and shifts you towards positivity:
- Drink a glass of water before anything else
- Exercise or, if time is too limited, read a great quote, or listen or watch something uplifting or inspiring for a few minutes
- Be grateful – just think about one thing you are grateful for; it could shift your whole mindset
End your day by recalling any major or minor successes of the day. It will also let you sleep better and wake up more positive, and let your successes increase.
Next, consider your influencers. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, support you and want to see you happy. Who are the people who embody your ideals (values, relationships, results)? Let these people be more influential in your life, while disempowering those people who have a negative effect or control over you.
Next is the news and social media you consume daily. Staying up to date with what’s happening in your world may leave you feeling anxious or depressed. Limit how much news you take in to no more than 30 minutes a day – this is what experts recommend in a 2018 study. And you can also create further boundaries and decide to leave your phone outside your bedroom at night – to avoid any social media temptation before bedtime.
3. Make someone else happy
You shouldn’t be too focused on yourself though because the real secret to a happier you is making others happy.
“You’re happy when you help others become happy.”
– Dalai Lama
Think about a time you did something kind for someone else or you just made them smile. Maybe you:
- helped your mom set up her Facebook profile
- gave the hungry person knocking at your door a few slices of bread
- sent a short note telling someone how much you appreciate them
- gave away your or your kids’ old clothes to a homeless persons’ shelter
- delivered some blankets and newspapers to an animal shelter
Do you recall how this gesture made you feel?
Helping others makes us feel happy and increases our psychological well-being. It also connects us to others and creates stronger communities. In a world where technology separates us more and more, social connectedness becomes ever more significant.
And there you have it; so many little things that are within your control and that can make you instantly happier – starting today.
Missed part 1? Read it here.